Matthew 18:21

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?'”

In my own experience there is only one way for me to pray sympathetically for another, and that is to first forgive.  I like to think of forgiveness as something like this –  I am holding something against a person or whatever tightly in my hand, unwilling to release my grasp. Then, by repentance I forgive. That changes everything. I find that by confessing my sin of judgmental pride I can honestly open my hand of welcome. Instead of presenting a clenched fist I present a warm hand, empty of hurtful feelings of superiority.

I hasten to add, sometimes after forgiving someone, hurt feelings remain. That is natural and has nothing to do with cleansing. The blood of Jesus cleanses, the Holy Spirit adjusts our feelings. That might take a little time, better it be instant.  At least, that is the way I see and experience it.

I would be an absolute mess if I stop forgiving, for by forgiving I sustain spiritual freedom. One instance of unforgiveness, that is, when I hold something against another, usually, according to my judgement, well deserved, I am bound. Even one instance of spiritual stubbornness hinders the flow of God’s grace into my life and because of that I get hard and impossible!

In this passage Jesus tells the story about a person who was forgiven a huge debt  but could not in return forgive a person who owed him little.  The one who forgave the huge debt in the first instance was infuriated and had the fellow severely punished. Then, Jesus said, “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” v 35  Hard words, indeed, but eternally true.